Untitled Short Story

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Post by Vangogh on Thu Jul 28, 2011 5:59 pm

Here is my first rough draft for the first section of the short story. Hope you enjoy and please give me feed back. Would greatly appreciate it! Also a title would be nice!

Untitled Short Story Section 1

“Do you believe in destiny?”
“I don’t believe in it”.

Luther just gave me the old heavy sigh, the one that he would give me when he was unhappy with the world that reality handed him. I didn’t respond; he and I had different perspectives of the world, but I respected that. He was quite a character; everything he did seemed to be contagious; when he was happy with something, it made you smile, and when he was discontent, it seemed as if you had to share the burden. A strong sense of empathy was present within him.

“Oh shit. Class starts in two minutes. Dinner?”

Gone in a split second. He was a fast one too. He was better then me at all the things that society didn’t need any more: he was a better athlete, a better artist, and a more socialable person. I was kind of a recluse in a way; I wouldn’t talk to anybody if it weren’t necessary, but that’s how the world works these days. We were different in many ways: he was a philosophy major, and I was mathematics major. Same college, but not in any way did our classes overlap. It was weird in a way because this friendship had no direct benefits, which was especially rare these days.

I looked at my watch, and I figured I should probably head down to my next class.
“12:42… eh. I’ll get there a couple minutes early”.

This was my typical Tuesday, a class in the morning, then debating with Luther while catching some lunch, more classes, then more debating with Luther. I’d take the same route every single time. It was almost a ritual; I’d head down toward the elevator, catch a quick drink at the water fountain on the way there, wait in line (there’s a huge rush hour at the elevators during this time), and then take 5th avenue straight down a couple of blocks to my next class, while catching the old man playing the guitar in front of Sammy’s Pizza Parlor on the way. Everyday had it’s own complex ordinance.

Ding! “Please watch your step as you enter the elevator”

I always thought that the elevators here were a cool design. Everything was polycarbonate, and so all the walls were see-through; you could see all the gears and levies; you could even make out the other three elevators as they went up and down. Always made a long trip feel shorter.

“You know what that large screen is at the back over there?”
I took a glimpse at the young fellow: a youngling, a newb, and obviously not a programmer. A “loser” as we call it. I looked back over at the massive screen, every second a new chain of code appearing at it’s top, then back up at the numbers above the door “15… 14…”, then back to the screen. The Master screen, as we programmers called it, was installed by some geeks a few years back. The screen allowed you to see all of the commands or codes executed by the PLC, which was also programmed by the same nerds, as it controlled all four of the elevators. It was a symbol of the university’s pride in student led innovations.

The emergency lamp went red; the elevator slammed on its breaks, and the passengers fell to the ground, pounding the polycarbonate floor. People were all over the place, like a box of legos that had been shook hard.

When I realized it, my nose was bleeding hard, and proof of the damage remained on the wall above me like a red lip kiss, the pain reminding me that this wasn’t a dream.

“Hey man are you alright?”
Same newb from before looked down at me in discomfort.
Karma… I laughed inside.

“What the hell is going on?”
The elevator was still blinking red, and people started to panic, as they could not tell the red apart from their blood. The other elevators seemed to be in the same conditions, blinking red and a jumbled, confused bucket load of passengers.

The newb looked up.
“Could that be the problem?”
I followed his eyes to the screen behind. The Master screen was spazzing out; lines of code were popping at rapid paces.

It’s been hacked…
“Move move move!”
I squeezed my self toward the front of the elevator where the command board was, slammed open the doors, and started looking through as many wires as I could. Blue, green, yellow, red, black, it didn’t matter. One of these was connecting this damn thing to the wireless system, which then connected it back to the main hub.

The elevator to our left dropped all ten floors. People started screaming.
Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. That was all that was going through my mind as I navigated my self through the whole electrical board of the system.

Another elevator went flying up. I could hear people praying in the back of the crowd, which was an embarrassing thing to do these days. People were crying. I couldn’t figure it out. Too much wiring.


Last edited by Vangogh on Sun Jul 31, 2011 2:29 am; edited 2 times in total

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Untitled Short Story Empty Re: Untitled Short Story

Post by Anijunkie on Thu Jul 28, 2011 7:27 pm

it's pretty cool
reminds me a little of Lain towards the end
willing to continue the story?

Untitled Short Story 149805-06GKD6E

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