Untitled Short Story (pt. 2)

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Untitled Short Story (pt. 2) Empty Untitled Short Story (pt. 2)

Post by Vangogh on Sun Jul 31, 2011 2:26 am

Hope you enjoy! Again give me some feed back/words of appreciation! First draft of pt. 2!

Untitled Short Story Section 2
Previous Section<-Click Here
An arm reached out, grabbed a yellow wiring, and yanked hard.

The lights turned off; the red strobe light stopped its madness, and with it the crowd cooled. I looked up in awe; my neck reaching upwards, the man was huge: gorilla like weight lifting arms and a broad chest that defined the manliness of the pre-modern era. A badge, hanging firmly from his shirt, labeled NYCPD caught my attention, but before I could say anything, he was on his walkie-talkie.

“We have a problem here. Over…”
Pshhhh… “The programmers are already on it, and a squadron is on its way. Over”.

The master screen blacked out almost immediately, and a system reboot replaced the once chaotic pool of text. Relieved, the mass began embracing each other with the generous love they felt for life.

The gorilla like man showed me the palm of his hand, and I gave him the strongest slap I could. I felt that I had to to impress the gorilla.

“Kid. Smart thinking. You a student here?”
“Yes. Officer. Finishing up my undergrad in mathematics and programming.”
“Have any ideas where your gonna work in a couple of months?”
“No sir”.
“Tell you what, I know that you can make bigger bucks being a mathematician and all these days, but the NYCPD is actually short on staff, because, you know, everybody’s out to make the big bucks these days… You free sometime?”

It wasn’t long before the NYCPD broke us out of the terrible entrapment. Five minutes I would say of hot, humid, terrible exhaustion and claustrophobia. The master screen was shut down for further maintenance of security, and so we were manually taken out of the shaft.

What the man had said before was true. As the world realized how ordered and predictable reality was, we mathematicians became over employed. That’s pretty much why I decided to become mathematics major, because it had the highest chance of success. I was a highly rational human being, but putting rationality aside and working for the safety of the people seemed somewhat appealing to me. I didn’t know what I was going to do with my future, so I thought why not. My mind kept on wandering to the same place, so I let my body wander with it. I decided to meet up with the gorilla once more.

It wasn’t hard finding the building. A huge sign marked, “NYCPD HQ”. To my surprise I discovered that the gorilla was actually the Deputy Chief of Police, he didn’t really look like the most intelligent fellow, but I figured, hey, it’s the police.

“I want you to meet Dr. Con. He’s our computer specialist”.
The door marked “NYCPD DATABASE”. He opened the door and gave me a little pat on the back (which felt more as a shove). The office was filled with computers, and the wires and circuits carpeted the floors and walls; I almost tripped on one of them while entering the complex. A small Asian man with thick, round eyeglasses got up from his desk and smiled lightly.

“Ahh… Deputy Angus has been talking all about you. Here I’ll take you for a little tour”.

He gave a little wink to the Deputy.

“Alright, I’ll be back later. I’ve got some damn paper works to finish”.

The door slammed behind, yet it didn’t frighten me at all. Perhaps, I was prepared for anything gorilla like. I looked back at the array of hardware before me. It was heaven for a programmer like me. I noticed to my left there was rows and rows of racks..

“Holy. Is that what I think it is?”
“Yup. One of the few in the state, a SQC: a combination of super computers of the past and the quantum computers of the future. This damn thing is our brain”.
“Exactly my smart lad. I actually came up with the algorithms with my own team. We’re really lucky to have this damn thing; we wouldn’t do without it. Only a city like New York can afford something like this for the local level”.

I let my fingers flow across the labels that marked “Super Quantum Computer (SQC)”.

“Our police force wouldn’t do without this. Well I guess we’re so reliant on the damn thing now. But notice how there hasn’t been a crime since the past year?”

I was amazed too much from all of the wirings, but I managed to nodd.

“Exactly. Our algorithms, our data, and our brain here does all the predicting. All we needed was a list of equations. Data of all the residence who lives in the country and all those who commute to it, which was easy for the police to do since the government already does it. Then we just have our bud’ here run the whole simulation with limits on the city of course. Gives us all the likelyness, in percentage, of any occurrence in the city, and it’s 98% accurate. I hear some cities like San Francisco have nailed it to 99%. Anyways, our wizard here has been expecting you too.”

Mr. Conn looked at me and gave me the same old wink. I stared back at him.



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Untitled Short Story (pt. 2) Empty Re: Untitled Short Story (pt. 2)

Post by Anijunkie on Tue Aug 02, 2011 2:15 am

First off, rather than making it parts, make them chapters. also I recommend merging them onto one thread. as for the story, it's developing ok for now. I'm not too into it mainly cause nothing really happened imo. You should write enough to make the plot move but not so little that it feels like it's dragging, ya know? try putting more content or merge this part with the other post or create a brand new post with both parts as 1. connectivity is key in this when posting on forums.

Untitled Short Story (pt. 2) 149805-06GKD6E

"A person can murder another only once in their life." -Ryougi Shiki

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